Pt. 1 - Showing Up Authentically In Spaces Not Meant for You w/ Pamela Barba
Episode Summary: This is the first part of two-part feature of Pamela Barba, Founder of Vamos Ladies. Vamos Ladies is a network by and for Latinas, on a mission to increase wealth in Latinx communities. Pamela is an entrepreneur and creative strategist who is always working to create liberating spaces for herself and others.
In this short talk, you get to hear her share tips and insights on how to show up in spaces that are often not created with underrepresented minority groups in mind.
Transcript
SUMMARY KEYWORDS
space, pamela, organization, immigrant, talk, learn, woman, question, people, values, realize, diversity, experience, path, work, presents, gap, person, situation, built
SPEAKERS
Bethaney Wilkinson, Pamela Barba
Bethaney Wilkinson 00:00
So for today's episode, we have the gift of listening to another talk from The Diversity Gap live event held in Atlanta, Georgia and April of this year, we get the chance to learn from Pamela Barba, a dear dear friend of mine and the founder of Vamos Ladies, I have learned so much from this woman from her story from her courage. And it's a true gift to me to be able to share her voice and perspective with you in this talk Pamela unpacks for us the ways she has and continues to practice showing up fully in spaces that were not designed with her as an immigrant and as a woman of color in mind. I know that for some of you, this won't be your experience and for others it will be spot on. Either way, listen in and take notes, we are on a journey of learning together. And I believe the best way for us to learn is to place the experiences of those most negatively impacted by exclusion, and the center of our conversations about inclusion. So lean in and let's learn from Pamela Barba. Welcome to the diversity gap podcast where we are exploring the gap between good intentions and good impact as it relates to diversity, equity and inclusion. My name is Bethaney Wilkinson and I am your host. So, the next person that's going to present is a dear dear friend of mine. Like as I was writing out notes for her introduction, I got teary eyed, um, we met when she was volunteering for pirate presents in 2017. And then she just kind of became a part of our community going on retreat, things like that. And I don't know, I just, she's the person one of the people I go to when I don't know who else to go to, to talk about things to process my identity to talk about entrepreneurship. She is someone who loves learning. And what I love about how much she loves learning is that she's always willing to kind of open up the messiness of her process to other people, which I think is a real gift, like how many people are willing to say this isn't together yet, but come learn from it. She does that. She is the founder of vamos ladies, which exists to increase wealth in Latin X communities. And they do this by partnering with women to help them feel confident, assert their value and make money with ease. So pilot presents Pamela Barbara.
Pamela Barba 02:36
Thank you all so much. Thank you, Plywood. Thank you, Bethaney. It's an honor to be here in front of you. So I'm going to be talking about today, how to show up authentically in spaces that maybe weren't designed with you in mind. And I'm speaking about this experience, as a woman of color, a Latina, I'm a proud immigrant, my family moved here 20 years ago, we started over, we moved here with $500.05 people in the family so you can do the math. And it was really hard starting in a new country learning a new language. Figuring out how to exist, right? It took 14 years for me to become a citizen. And it took 18 years for my parents. And we are lucky that's not usually the case. So throughout the last 20 years since I've been here, I've been thinking about identity and belonging, and the countries and the languages and the spaces that I'm in, and how do we become true to ourselves? So, before I get started, I want to give a quick caveat. One of the hardest things about preparing for talks like this one is that I know that some of you will be able to relate to the things that I'm talking about. Maybe you've experienced it, and some of you may not. And while I'm talking you might say like oh, like, I don't know what it feels like to not feel like you belong, or I don't know what it feels like when you know this place wasn't designed exactly for me. So if you're in that second group, I invite you to think about the people in your organizations, and question whether they might be feeling some of the ways that I'm describing. So back to my story. So Pamela was living the American dream. I had the job that PTO, everything that I thought I wanted. I followed a path and I got to what I thought was the end. But there was something wrong. I was super, super unhappy. And I didn't understand why. I was working at a tech company. You know, I had all the things that I was supposed to want as a person in my mid 20s. And then I found this quote that kind of shed some light. It's a Gandhi quote and it says Happiness is when what you think what you say in what you do. aren't in harmony. And I realized that the way that I was living my life, none of those things were in harmony. Because the things that I cared about, were not the things that I was spending my time doing. And were not the things that I was talking about. And so I quit my job about two years ago. And I don't want to say it was this like glamorous, like abandoning the nine to five and like going right to thriving, it was really hard. And it like, it kind of wasn't a choice. I had, like, burnt out of this path. And I had to, like really go inward and figure out like, okay, like, what, what do I do? How do I start over? So in that process, there are six key questions that I'm going to share with you, that I've gone through, and that have helped me find my place again. So the first one is, do you know your values? When you start with knowing what you value, it's easy to use them as your compass, it's easier to know I value honesty, value, integrity, authenticity, and it's easier when you're in situations to use those things as your compass as to like, Okay, I'm in an organization that isn't doing those values, like I would do them. So maybe like, that's where the tension is. And the thing is that I knew what my values were, but I felt like I wasn't allowed to care about them. I wasn't, it was like, Okay, that's great that you value these things, but like, that's not your job at this company. You can care about that, like nights and weekends. And so when you have your values, you can measure opportunities, organizations, even relationships against them. The second question, and this is a tough one is, how do you rearrange yourself to fit the room that you're in? And as an immigrant, blending in is one of my survival skills. You know, immigrants are able to step into a room, see the rules, like who's in charge? What do you say, what do you not say? How do I blend in, because you don't want to stick out that's very unsafe. So I changed myself to fit whatever role I needed to fit. And you know, it's not like malicious like, anything like that. It's just like, Oh, here's like, professional Pamela. And then here's, like, bombilla, at home. And it just kept feeling like more foreign for a part. So it got to the point where I didn't know who I was anymore. So this is a tough one. When you realize that you are rearranging yourself to be in different rooms, you have to start with awareness, and realize, like, okay, would I act this way, if I was with my friends, or if I was with the people that care about me and know my values and know my true self. And then it takes practice, to honor yourself, to honor your true self. And to bring more of that into every space that you're in? The next question that I asked myself, were actually I just kind of realized that I didn't, I'm about to turn 30. And I didn't have a woman of color mentor until I was 29 years old. And I didn't realize how much I needed one until I got one because it made my life so much easier. So do you have a safe space where you can be you. For me, that was a tech incubator called digital and divided, that is designed for black and Latinx women. In that space, we all brought in our unique experiences, but also that place was like designed for those unique experiences. Because the thing is, is that when you have a distinct all of us have different experiences, right? Like your your life was different than anybody in this room. You bring that into any space that you're in. However, when you're one of the few people of color, immigrants or whatever makes you different. You see things in organizations and in situations that other people may not see, like at all. You may see in justices, you may that something happens in the news. And you may see that and that might hit you differently than it hits somebody else. And when nobody else sees it, and nobody else acknowledges it, we start thinking that we're crazy, we start thinking that it's just us that thinks this thing. So you start to lose trust in yourself. So it's really important for you to have a space where there are people that share your experience. And they can say like, oh yeah, girl like that totally happened. You were right. They just didn't see it. My next question that I asked myself is, who is the space that you're in for? Who was it built for? Who was it built by? And will it work for you? So for me, I mentioned that was in this incubator. The startup world is a great example because it kind of looks one way when you think about tech companies. You know you think about founders that Finding find a problem, and then they build a product to solve this problem, and then they have data around to show that it's working. And then they get investment, and they move to Silicon Valley and they become Mark Zuckerberg. And for a second, I thought that that's what I wanted to. But then I realized that that system is not built for a person like me. And in reality, that world is built for 22 year old white males that have privileged that have families with connections, and that have the money and the people with money in their lives that are able to help them right out the difficult path that that that that is. So how can you make your own path? And or how can you make it work for you? You know, I'm not suggesting everybody go out and quit their jobs. But how can you add extra support in your life, so that when you are in those roles that can be difficult? You feel more supported? So the next question is, how can you trust yourself more? You know, growing up, we're often told, like you don't know, like, you'll see what you'll see in the real world. Like, you're naive, you'll get experience. And it's, you know, I understand, I understand where that's coming from. However, when we hear that so much when we're growing up, we literally start believing that we don't know anything that we don't know that we have to go into these spaces, these companies and just like they're right, and we're always wrong, right? So what I've learned in this path is to look inward more, because I can trust myself to know the answers to know what's aligned with me with my strengths, with my values, with the life that I want to build. And it's yeah, it's not in that webinar. It's not in that extra, like MBA degree. A lot of these answers are already in you. So the final question, and this is a great one for you to ask people in your organization to is what do you need to feel supported in the situation? And that's a great one to ask yourself, like, what do you need to feel supported in the situation. And don't assume that you know, what kind of support people need. Because it might be different for everybody. For some people, it might be financial, for some people, it might be community, or it might be more time with their family. So ask people what they need. And this self care is a big part of this. Because self care looks different for everybody. It's not this like, spa day that Instagram tells you it is but what does it look like for you. So thinking about these things, six things helped me in my path to becoming like a full version of myself, that doesn't quite rearrange herself so much for every space that she's in that trust herself. And that I know that no matter what kind of situation I get into, it's going to be okay. And I'm going to be able to discern like, Okay, actually, this place is just kind of toxic, and I need to step out, or I'm fearful. And I need more support from women like myself, and I can make it and I'm going to end with a little tough love. Nobody's going to do this work for you. You have to do it for yourself. Nobody is out there looking out for you and making sure that you have all these things, right. So it's the work that you have to do to empower yourself to fit better in different spaces. And then that's it. Thank you.
Bethaney Wilkinson 13:37
Thinking of your questions for Pamela, okay, right here, I'm gonna repeat. Was there ever a time when you were in a safe space, and you thought you could be yourself? But then you realize you weren't?
Pamela Barba 13:48
Yeah, I mean, I think I think all I don't think there's a sink unless you create your own space, like your own community, your own group of friends that you selectively pick, I don't think there's a single space that can give you everything that you need. So I think it's kind of like a scavenger hunt. You're like, these are the things that I need. Cool, I get these from this space like this, from this space, and this from this space. And I think at least that that's how it has worked for me. So yeah, there's been spaces where I'm like, Oh, they totally get this. But then I was like, Oh, well, they kind of get like seven out of 10 things. So you know, gotta find somebody else that gets the other three,
Bethaney Wilkinson 14:25
Right here. I'm gonna try to recap, but it's a great question. Um, he's, you guys heard it effectively asking. So even if there is an organization or an industry, that or, yeah, industry that wants to do better. And even if it's like 10% white people in that space, it's still structured in a way that is predominant culture. What do we do about that? Great question. No pressure.
Pamela Barba 14:56
Yeah, I mean, I can tell you what I can think about in this instant. I think intention matters. Like, what? What are you trying to do? Yeah, because if it's like if it's like, okay, cool, you know, with your law firm example, is it like an initiative, and it's one initiative out of 100. And all the other hundreds still are not for people of color, it may not have have that much of an impact. But are you starting a new organization where you're reporting, pouring resources and letting people of color take charge? That might have more of an impact. So I think intent and like in proportion to the organization, like really matters.
Bethaney Wilkinson 15:41
You have time for one more, right here. Whenever you're in a space that you know, isn't for you. Do you just claim that space?
Pamela Barba 15:47
I think I'm getting better at it. That's the honest answer. For me, a lot of my experience has to do with immigration, which is a very polarizing topic. And honestly, um, there are spaces where I'm not willing to have that discussion or argument because it's not, it's just not worth it. So it really depends, like it depends on if I plan on sticking around in that space.
Bethaney Wilkinson 16:10
Cool. Thanks, Pamela. The two parts that stick out to me are number one, how we can't expect any one space or environment to give us everything we need. This is so true. We need multiple spaces, multiple environments and different kinds of people to help us flesh out who we are and what we have to offer. The second thing that sticks out to me from what Pamela shared is her nudge at the end that no one will do this work for you. We all have to do our own part to find our voice and to bring that voice to bear in the spaces we choose to be in. This is so so good. Thank you for listening to the diversity gap podcast. If you've been challenged or inspired by what you've heard, please rate and review the show. You can also subscribe to make sure you never miss an episode. If you have thoughts or questions, I'd love to hear from you connect with me at thediversitygap.com or on Instagram at the diversity gap. This episode was produced by DJ opdiggy for Soul Graffiti Productions.